Tuesday, May 1, 2007

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

Okay. So. I write in Starbucks sometimes. I tried to support my local independent coffee shop, but every time I did I got yelled at by a local independent crazy lady and it was deeply unpleasant. Here are a list of 11 more reasons why I feel totally secure in my decision.

1)Today in Starbucks, this guy comes in with a jeweler's loupe in his eye.

2)His girlfriend, following, starts putting mugs and stuffed monkeys (which are there why?) in to her bag.

3)Off-duty cop yells at them explaining that he is off duty cop.

4)Theif Lady puts things back, rolling her eyes the whole time. I mean, jeez.

5)Russian mob guy who looks like that guy from Fargo who was also on Prison Break immediately ceases mob activities/leering at me in my sexy sweatclothes and hightails it out of Starbucks.

6)Guy comes in and just starts rolling joint. Just hey, I'm in Starbucks, rolling a joint. It was NOT a hand-rolled cigarette, believe me. He took out a film cannister full of pot and everything.

7)Cop kind of looks and is like "?" and looks like he is weighing the options, then leaves. Girlfriend of loupe guy re-steals stuffed monkey.

8)Someone alerts staff, who kind of mull it over, walk by her table and loom for a bit, then decide to let it slide.

9)Thief/loupe couple starts making out,

10)Joint guy leaves, having purchased nothing.

11)Theif/Loupe proceed to sit down over foamy drinks and peruse a flyer offering discount magazine subscriptions - like something a kid working a school fundraising drive would hand out, or something. As they peruse, he removes a jewel from the loupe (still in his eye), looks at it with his loupe-less eye, and puts it back in the loupe.*

*I know this is not how your normally use a loupe, as a jewel-carrying eye-cup, but this is what he did. Maybe it was a fake loupe.

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