it, it's amazing. They totally know it's a bad idea to do drugs and
everything, but they are still so fun! This is interesting to me
because I'm really still trying to puzzle out what exactly it was
about the melty weird downtown and brooklyn whatever scene that had
such a hold on me post-college. On the one hand, it seems totally
self-evident - of course it had a hold! Going out is fun, and also
everyone you knew did it and also boys and also drinking. But after a
while, you do not know what is the fuel, and what is the flame.
Anyway. It is not like I have reached some higher plane of existence,
really. I have the stable relationship and the yoga and the
not-depressedness (also, I am a lot skinnier, it is remarkable what
cutting gimlets out of your diet will do), but it's still pretty
self-involved; I have only just learned to be decent to the people
closest to me, and am so far from having an idea of how to be decent
to the world; stressing about what one phase of my life or another
offered me is like stressing about whether I am going to wear a red
shirt or a blue.
I am not a natural activist.